Why should I submit to you?
Men and women have entirely different ways of processing language that is spoken to them. They hear things differently. What a man hears is received by him as mere information, while what a woman hears is received by her as an emotional experience.
Tell a Guy his shirt is a little tight and he says, “Oh, really. I’ll change it. Thank you.” But tell a Lady her dress is a little tight. For weeks she may not speak to you. Then one day, after two weeks, you notice her distance from you and then ask her, “What’s wrong dear?” “Nothing.” “Don’t tell me nothing. It’s obvious that you’re not okay.” “You tell me I’m fat, then you ask what’s wrong!” “I never said you were fat.” “Yes, you did.”
The guy is perplexed.
A Girlfriend tells her guy his hair is smelling and they laugh over it and that’s It. Let a Boyfriend tell his girl that her hair is smelling, and he might get a different reaction even though he was only joking.
It’s nothing personal. The missing link is just your understanding of how messages are processed by each other.
This is why it is important for the man to understand the woman. Before speaking to her, he needs to think about what he is about to say and how to say it. Your approach and choice of words matters a lot.
You noticed some traces of insubordination in her. Do not say to her, “You are not submitting to me” or “I want you to be submissive to me.” She’ll interpret this as you being controlling and bossy. Submission is not the word to use. Even in marriage. A man shouldn’t use that word. It’s too controlling to her. Especially in Nigeria where the word ‘submission’ has being abused. It sends a wrong message to her.
Why not simply say, “Sweetheart, I’ve noticed you always want to do things your own way. I am not judging you because I know every man is right in his own eyes, but can you consider _______”
This comes with a touch of love and everybody wins.
On the other hand, the ladies need to start learning respect. It is not until marriage before you start learning. You don’t learn how to fight in a battle. A lady shouldn’t start ‘submitting’ when she gets married, she should have a submissive heart already. Use your Boyfriend to do I.T.
Sometime ago I read an article titled ‘The Law of Becoming’. It states that While You Are Waiting for Your Future, You must BECOME Qualified for it. Develop the posture for the future you want to enter.
A lady who doesn’t respect the men In her life right now won’t respect her husband. She should be willing to accept corrections from her man. He might not use the right choice of words atimes but for the sake of peace and smooth flow of your relationship, see beyond the words and get the message. He needs to learn how to talk, yes. But that’s why you’re there to help him learn.
After you must have effected the changes he pointed out, you can now come to him and tell him how his choice of words hurt you and how he can use better words to convey his points. Who knows? You may end up getting a new dress and a pair of shoes as his way of saying sorry 😀
Your understanding of male and female differences, and their mode of communication and reception will to a large extent determine how well you will enjoy your relationship.
I hope this added value to you?